A Man
by ChiisanaAnisa
Summary: You could say we girls all need a guy who would make us feel safe. And then again, maybe we need a man who will love us just as much as we love him... INUKAG Oneshot


**Disclaimer: **_Seeming to the guys around me with the crazy jacket in their hands I would have to say no. Oh, well..._

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**"A Man"**

**By Chiisana Anisa**

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_You could say we girls all need a guy who would make us feel safe. Loved and cherished every second of this short human life. A guy who will do little things for us even if they don't really want to, but because of the love we are giving him and he is giving to us, he does them anyway. A guy who would make the most ugliest day of all turn to the sun-shiny day of our lives. That could be it. And then again, maybe we need a **man** who will love us just as much as we love him._

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It was a brand new day, today, and I woke up to the most glorious sight of all times. One strong, lean arm was around my waist, hugging me closer to the warm body laying next to me. I sighed happily and moved my hand to comb the locks of Inuyasha's hair that kept falling into his eyes. He was still asleep, so I decided not to wake him up. We both had a rough night. My thoughts turned to everything that happened, from yesterday's afternoon...

Even then I was doing the same thing. I was lying on the bed, still wrapped in a big pink fluffy towel after a fresh bath and something forced me to just lie down and grab a good book and enjoy. Of course I completely forgot about one certain hanyou that announced to pick me up this very afternoon, seeing that it was the beginning of my summer holidays. I don't have to explain how much time it took for Inuyasha to understand the meaning of holidays.

Anyway, as I said, I was just reading through the most important part of the story when the window opened with a crash. Really, I mean it was already open to the half, did he have to open it full? That's Inuyasha if you're wondering. I sighed and closed the book with a sound tap, before turning to glare at Inuyasha while standing up.

Instead of his usual frown his face bore the expression of someone who is highly amused and shocked a bit. A quirky grin appeared on his handsome face and I couldn't help but smile myself. That was before I crossed my arms and realized what I was wearing. Or more correctly - what I wasn't.

Screaming like a banshee, I ran to the closet and disappeared from my room with a couple of sits for Inuyasha. I swear I could hear him laughing all the way to the bathroom before he started kissing the carpet in my room.

To me it wasn't really funny. At all. I mean, yes, I did see him naked on some occasions, as he did me, but still - I'm a girl. I have my modesty. Not to mention, common sense. It would be fine if Inuyasha was more to me than a friend but seeing how he wasn't, my lack of clothing went pretty much noticed and left an undesirable affect on me.

Because I started thinking, what if? That horrible _'what if', _that we all must go through in our lives. What if I and Inuyasha were actually something more? Not that I only wanted it for months now, but really, **_what if_**?

These were my thoughts as I was hurriedly putting some clothes on, or to be more precisely, waist hugging trousers, and a red shirt with a pretty big cleavage. But, hey, don't blame me, I knew what I was putting on, but they were the last clean things in my closet and also the nearest to grab when I was running away. So, with much courage I stepped out and walked to my bedroom only to open the door and find Inuyasha comfortably situated on my bed.

He had his arms crossed, as well as legs and a smirk of Satan on his face. And he looked eatable as ever. Why me? All thoughts of being polite to him flew from my head as he uttered his next words.

"Really, wench, if you wanted to show me something you only had to ask." And that damned smirk only seemed to get bigger, and had sparkle in it too. Oh, well... he had it coming.

With my most pleasant voice, I smiled, crossing my arms too. "Inuyasha..." He looked right at me, some of that smile slowly leaving. I guess he knew what was coming. That's probably why he dived at me. "Sit."

Not a good choice of words, I was forced to admit. For my timing was a bit off and he landed on top of me, squashing me to my carpet. I landed with an 'ooof' and a sound 'thump' he did too. My eyebrow started twitching when I could feel his lips quirk up.

You see, his head landed pretty much on my chest, and you do recall I said that shirt had big cleavage? So, yeah... I asked for it. But he had no right to wiggle his nose around. "Inuyasha.." This tone wasn't a pleasant one at all. Actually, it promised lots of bad things happening to him once he managed to get up.

The spell was slightly weakening and he lifted his head to look me in the eyes. Boy, he was heavy! How can someone with so thin body be so heavy? His lean body was practically plastered all over me, pressing gently in some place. In some others, not so much. But the look in his eyes was something completely different then all the looks I've seen so far. It was pretty much.. ah, how to say it...

Primal.

Yeah, that would be the word. Did it scare me? God, no. It was alarming! Inuyasha? Primal? And looking at me, none the least? There was a certain point in my brain that said his look had a line of wickedness in it. I hushed the murmur of my thoughts and tried to concentrate on Inuyasha. There we go with that smirk again. Grin if you like.

"Yes, _wench_?" That last word came out awkwardly, as if he was challenging me. He managed to brace himself on his arms, lifting some of his weight off of me. I thanked him for it, in my head. Hell, he looked primal, and my insides started twisting this and that way, not to mention the occasional shaking my body was producing.

And I wasn't cold, if that's what you're wondering. His body heat did this to me, and not only that. His hair fell around us like a curtain and it tickled a bit on my arms. I giggled, couldn't help it, but Inuyasha didn't think it was funny.

"What's so funny?" He barked out, that gleam turning dangerous. I shut up at once. "I asked, what's so funny?" He repeated, but he was Inuyasha, and he had to know absolutely everything that might have been concerning him. So I managed to blurter it out.

"Your hair... It tickles." And do you know what he did?

He actually shook his head around, tickling me even more, this time my throat producing not a giggle, but a full blown out laugh. "Stop.. it.." I said between laughs, trying to take some air in. I could hear his laughter mingled with my own, and I tried to remember when was the last time I've seen him so happy.

Actually, come to think of it, I didn't. It was a real treat to hear him laugh like this. Something in me shifted, something clicked in my heart and I stopped laughing, instead looked at him seriously. What has changed that Inuyasha became comfortable enough to behave like this? I realized that the spell has long worn off, but we were still on the floor, and the devil on top of me showed no intention of getting up so soon.

What was happening?

A bit scared because of his carefree behavior, my look probably turned somewhat serious because he stopped laughing too when his golden eyes caught on mine. I couldn't really understand this change in him. Maybe... Oh, God, my heart went ahead of me. Maybe he had feelings for me too? Or was he just playing with his friend?

A ball of fear pitched inside of my stomach and I squeaked his name. "Inuyasha." He noticed something was wrong, his face soon taking on a worried expression. "Can you get off?" I asked, squirming a little underneath him, before I realized his cheeks had gone red. Ok, so I wasn't so innocent.

But neither was Inuyasha anymore. We were two years older, which made me seventeen and him eighteen. We were in that time when hormones ruled our minds and bodies. And although my heart did belong to Inuyasha for a long time now, I still didn't want something, anything to happen just because we were driven by our hormonal instincts.

I think something in my scent changed and I prayed it wasn't what I thought it might be when Inuyasha breathed deeply in and out few times. His eyebrows lowered dangerously close to his eyes, previous signs of worry leaving his face "Why should I? Is there something bothering you, Kagome?"

He just had to say it in such a hunters voice, mere whisper, which set my skin on fire and I knew one hundred percent by now that the spike in my scent wasn't all that hard to mistake. I really, really didn't need this right now.

Why was this happening?

I braced my arms on the pits of his shoulders and tried to lift him off. It didn't work, which was pretty much obvious seeing how much he was stronger than me. "Please, Inuyasha, just get up." I pleaded, looking at him like a hurt puppy, knowing it would work because it has before.

For a moment it looked like he would oblige, but he leaned back and drew himself upwards (which only proved that the spell ended), closer to my face, before whispering in my ear with a husky voice that made me tingle all over.

"Next time, it won't be so easy." And then he got up with a leap, landing near my window. He grinned at me threw the mist of his hair, his eyes on fire. He did look primal, and for some reason I didn't mind it all that much, he also looked very exotic.

"You have an hour to drag yourself back. I really wouldn't like coming again to drag you back, Kagome." He said it politely, but there was something in his tone, the way he said it... Something that translated the message into my brain like a promise of a repeat.. Of what has happened moments ago.

As I watched him jump down, his figure disappearing from my sight of view, my mind turned to solving all the questions that gathered up in it during all the past few minutes. Why was he behaving like that? What changed? I needed to know this answers and the only way was to go back. Turning around I almost crashed into my mother.

_That was the reason he got up!, _my mind screamed at me, and I didn't even want to begin analyzing what would have happened if he didn't hear my mother coming up. Who knew? Then again, as I said, maybe we were just acting on our hormones. That had to be it.

A moment when we both felt something we usually wouldn't.

I kept reassuring myself of that fact through the entire packing of my bag and my trip to Sengoku Jidai. It was like mantra in my head, a lesson I had to learn for school. I repeated it over and over again, although the sight of that primal look kept popping before my eyes.

What was happening?

I climbed unsuccessfully over the rim of the well and fell backwards on the grass, together with that ugly, big, yellow bag. I promised Inuyasha I would stay for one whole month, so it was packed full, and more than that with all the things I thought I could use on some occasions.

It wasn't Inuyasha's face that greeted me, Miroku's was. He offered a hand, which I gladly accepted, and he helped me to get up. His eyes traveled down. I thought I had grass stains so I started brushing my shirt. It would have been a perfectly innocent thing to do if it wasn't for Inuyasha's voice that drifted to us.

"Bouzu..." And it was anger that filled his voice. "Keep your eyes higher if you don't want some serious beating." He said it with such venom, coming closer and picking up my bag. I didn't quite get it until I remembered what I was wearing. I blushed. Was Inuyasha actually jealous? Protective even?

Miroku looked uncomfortable and raised his hands, apologizing. "I'm sorry Inuyasha." I bet Inuyasha set him off. Then a sly grin showed up on his face. "Why, I didn't know you had.."

The hanyou growled at him and Miroku instantly shut up. He turned to me and barked a demand through his teeth, "Climb up.", before crouching down and offering me his back. I knew he left me no space of saying no so I did as he asked. Taking off he told Miroku that he can walk back.

The evening passed quietly. We had dinner without arguments, which was weird. Shippou didn't provoke Inuyasha as usually about his eating habits, and Miroku stayed away from Sango's behind. I ate slowly, sitting between Sango and Inuyasha, with Miroku and Kaede across us, and Shippou in my lap.

I couldn't shake the feeling that something happened in that hour when Inuyasha left me and I came back. Something must have happened between them, because this was the quietest dinner we had. The rest of the evening passed in the same manner, to the time we all went to sleep. I ended up falling asleep with one question in my mind;

What was happening with Inuyasha and me?

I woke up in the middle of the night. My senses picked up a glint of shikon shard and carefully I got up to tell Inuyasha and the others. I left the hut to seek the hanyou on his tree, but he wasn't there. I turned back to at least tell the others, before I sensed something I wished I wouldn't for a long period of time.

Kikyou.

She was near, and I could swear that Inuyasha was with her. I sighed, then turned in the direction of the nearest entry of the forest, and started walking. I knew I shouldn't have, but every time before I spied on them. It was for two reasons. So that I could be sure she wouldn't drag Inuyasha to Hell with her. The other reason was because my heart needed to know.

Or needed to be hurt every time when I saw them together.

However I was never prepared for what I was about to witness. Them hugging each other, tightly wrapped in an embrace I wished sometimes Inuyasha and I was. They presented a picture of someone who was very much in love and my heart broke a little. The eternal question of why was I doing this to myself rose up again.

What happened this afternoon between me and Inuyasha?

Was he really just playing around? It didn't seem like that to me, and I couldn't bare for him to think I'm just some kind of a doll he could play whenever Kikyou wasn't around to give him what he wanted. It wasn't just our hormones. Maybe on his side, yes. But on my side... there was a heart included too.

Like so many times before I forgot the promise I gave to Inuyasha and ran to the Well. Ok, more walked really quietly so he wouldn't hear me. When I got there I was prepared to jump in, but I knew he would come after me. He always did. Instead of running away, I sat on the rim and waited.

It must have been half an hour before he turned up and the surprise at seeing me there was quite obvious on his face. He probably expected me to be on the other side. Well, he thought wrong.

See in that half an hour that passed I talked with myself. I was determined to know what was going on between me and our famous hanyou. I knew my feelings for him, but I knew nothing of what he really felt. I was aware there were some feelings for me in that heart of his. He showed it often enough.

The will to protect me, to keep me safe and help me in any way he could. All the times he worried over my well being, all the times he came after me, all the times when I was hurt and he was seriously pissed, the quiet times we spent together... and I couldn't ignore this afternoon at my house.

All of that meant something, there had to be more than just that. I wanted to know what. I know he regarded me as a friend, but was I maybe something more? This question alone brought me to stay here and wait for him. But I also agreed with my brain and heart that I would finish this quest regardless of what his answers may be. I had a duty to follow through and so will it be.

His eyes searched mine and I could see the pain Kikyou's visit always left afterwards in him. He came closer, stopping two feet away from me. "You didn't leave?"

I nodded away, a yes and no. "No, Inuyasha, I didn't." Something shifted in his eyes and they softened. I smiled weakly at him. "I wanted to have a talk with you."

He took the stance he usually took when he thought a fight was following. I could see his feet digging into the earth beneath him, the clenching of his fists and the way his posture took a regal look. "What about?"

"I wanted to know what do you think of me?"

His eyebrows rose at the question. "Now? In the middle of the night?.. What are you...?" He stopped, lowering his head and looking away. "You saw us."

It wasn't a question, but I answered. "Yes. Tell me Inuyasha."

His eyes were still turned away, his gaze somewhere in the dark of the forest. I could hear him sigh from where I was, and I nested on the rim. I trailed my hand along the rough wood, enjoying the painful pricks on my skin. Anything rather then the numbness that started forming inside. It was cold out here.

In slow motion he looked at me and I could see the struggle in him, as if he didn't know what to do and not to mess it up. "You know what I think of you, Kagome. We should go back. Forget it, ok?"

So choosing the easy way he wanted to avoid us talking about him, me and Kikyou? No can do. I was tired of always having my heart played with. Sparkles of anger formed in me, overriding that numbness and I rose on my feet. "I want to know!" I said, loudly, but not yelling.

"Well, I don't want to talk about it!" He shouted back at me. "It's late. We can talk about it in the morning." And with that he turned to walk away from me his hair following on the nights wind. I shivered.

Was I not important as Kikyou to take a few minutes of his time? Couldn't he talk to me like he talked to her? Pain stabbed, and stabbed deep. As always the hurt I got when ever concerning Kikyou, circled my heart. I had really enough, I couldn't live my life not knowing, letting him get away with what only he wanted and kept him satisfied.

I wanted some of it too. I wished to have something more, and I hoped for it since forever. This afternoon did bring questions, but it only raised that hope higher. However, so did my anger towards him and his un-observant behavior, his uncaring for my feelings.

"So help me God Inuyasha, but if you walk away you can forget me talking to you ever!" This time I screamed at his retreating back. He stopped as if he were burned, he could surely detect the anger in my voice. He turned and retraced his steps, but in the mean time he was angered too.

Leaning over me he almost growled. "I said I don't want to talk about it." I only snickered at that.

"Well tough, because I want." I took a deep breath, he had no right to treat me like I was just another thing for him he could cast away when he didn't need it. "What about what happened this afternoon? What was that?"

He blinked, slight blush staining his cheeks, but the anger in his eyes didn't melt away. Neither did mine, as I said, I really had enough of this mess we found ourselves quite often in. He backed away.

"It was nothing." I listened, hoping he won't say what I feared was the truth. "I was just playing with you." My fear came true. He did see me as a doll! Disappointment filled me, and I could feel tears pricking my eyes. I started shaking from the effort it took not to let them spill over and roll down my cheeks.

I wasn't willing to show him once again that he hurt me, always did managed to. Something inside sent a message - stay relaxed. I let my hands fall to my side, unclenching them from the tight little balls I made them be, unconsciously. "That's what I thought, Inuyasha. Well you know what, I'm not some doll you can play with."

He blinked at my words. Now he doesn't understand. "Inuyasha," I started with much more calmness than before, "I just want to know. Do you really see me as just a doll to play with when Kikyou isn't around? Am I not your friend?" The truth had to come out sometime. That time was, unfortunately, now.

The pained look he gave me revealed that he did understand, just didn't know how to act on it. "Yes, you're my friend, and no, I don't think of you as some doll. Whatever gave you that idea?"

Was he dumb or what? "You, Inuyasha. You gave me that idea!" One lone tear spilled over the edge and I could see the immediate change in Inuyasha's posture. He hated it when women cried, and didn't like it even more if it was for him. I couldn't help it, however, he made me cry, mostly.

He sort of staggered back, taken with my response. "I gave it to you?" Surprise once again plastered on his face. But the anger was stronger I guess. "You know what, Kagome, you think you know everything, well you don't! You have no idea of what I had with Kikyou, and you never will!" Now, he was shouting at me, like I was the one to blame for their misfortune.

"Why don't you explain it for me, Inuyasha? For I have tried so damn hard to be understanding to all of this. I really tried!" One more tear. Can I really win in this? The bond between them is much stronger than any of us thought. How did I ever think of coming between them?

"Don't you get it?" He asked, in almost a whisper. Such changes in him.., all in the span of a few seconds.

When did he change so much?

"Get what? That you still pine after her although you have me..." I stopped when he raised his head sharply and screamed so that my ears rang, my heart slowly dying.

_"I lost her! I lost the chance we had! Do you have any idea how much that freaking hurts?!" _His silver hair followed his movements and I could not notice how it shined on the moonlight. Why, oh why, did I have to drop my heart in the middle of it all? I was angry, and desperate to make him see what he was doing to me.

"Yes I do!" I shouted back without thinking, seeing his eyes widen at my outburst. "Don't you see Inuyasha, what is going on here?"

And once again he interrupted me. "No. Dammit, it always has to be something about you Kagome. Always the one to be innocent! You don't know how it feels to lose everything you dreamed of..."

He would have gone further with his speech if it wasn't for my voice that stopped him.

"_You're losing me, Inuyasha! _And you need to take care of this thing you call life, this mess. Before I decide to go away, forever!" I screamed that at him, my voice shaken deeply by the hurt in my heart. Tears were now like a flood on my cheeks and I wiped them away, partially.

As soon as I said it, his ears dropped down, as did his anger towards me. Hurt was now in his eyes, and the grief much obvious on his face. He was looking at me like he had seen a ghost, almost like he didn't believe what I said. Finally he managed to speak, muttering the words out, his tone sorrowful.

"But you promised... To stay..." He said, his eyes still wide and unblinking, looking at my own. "You promised..." He repeated, maybe to remind himself better, or me. I knew what I promised, but one cannot hold her promise it that promise keeps breaking her into tiny pieces.

I neared the Well, and sat on the edge, swinging my legs across. Sadness washed over me in waves for doing this but I think it is for the best if we took some more time off from each other. I heard him uttering my name, and he sounded so broken..

"Kagome." There was a plea in that word, unhidden. I heard it, but decided to neglect its call. I turned to look at him, although I didn't want to. Two more tears appeared when I saw the image of a shattered promise. I felt repugnance towards myself.

"Inuyasha listen to me - you're losing **_me._**" I deliberately spoke the last word harshly so it could reach his ears, before I jumped into the rift and disappeared in the blue light. Moments didn't pass and I found myself on the other side.

Still, I wasn't letting the sobs to take me over, the breach holding inside. I climbed up the stairs and started walking to my house and I would have made it if it wasn't for two strong hands that circled my waist, gripping it tightly.

I knew it was him, but I didn't expect him so soon. When I heard the repeating of my name on his lips, my damp broke and the sobs came forward like a charging army. "Why do you do this to me, Inuyasha?" The feelings of doubt and insecurity that had been bubbling below the surface broke free, and they were evident in my voice. In my heart.

He turned me around in his hold and moved my dark hair out of his way, so he could see my eyes. He looked hard and deep, as if he was searching for something, while his now, almond eyes held so much emotions. "You didn't listen, Kagome. I said I lost it, not that I was losing it. That's past tense."

I looked at him like he was talking gibberish, not quite getting his point. His hands cupped my face and he tried to wipe my tears away, while my sobs quieted down. His voice was on the verge of tears, I could hear it, although I didn't see the slightest sign of real tears in his eyes. Big boys don't cry, right?

"You're a friend, and so much more. But please, understand, I need some time to take care of this mess as you said it. It's a large mess. Meetings with Kikyou only serve to remind me of what could have been, not of what could be. I know what's real, and that's pure dreaming when I'm with her." He sounded so honest, and his words so profound that I wondered when did Inuyasha grow up so fast?

Was this just a part of his act, like this afternoon? Or was this the real Inuyasha he barely, if ever showed to anyone? I had so many questions in my head, and they had to be asked to be answered, but now was not the right time. I will hold them off, for now. For him. Me.

"Inuyasha... But you keep..." He put one finger over my mouth, as a request to stay quiet. I nodded, mutely and waited. He looked over my shoulder for a second, then started again.

"Listen to me." His fingers moved across my face, stroking it gently and I found myself leaning into his touch. He hurt me, but wasn't this what I wanted?

"I don't want to lose you, Kagome. Not now, not ever. But there's much to be done, and you even know that. There's only one thing that I'm asking of you." His eyebrows lowered like they did few hours ago, but this time they didn't add to the image of a devil. They added to an image of a tortured man, who kept struggling to live day by day.

"What?" I whispered, afraid still to break this thing between us, in this moment. This gentleness he showed, the worry, the honesty... I would dare to go as far as love.

Genuine smile graced his lips, small, but true, as he answered. "I need you to keep your promise. To stay with me. Will you do that?" I nodded, shaking and he hugged me. I hugged him back this time and as the rain started falling on us from a clear dark blue sky I could hear him confess.

"Good. That's all I ever need. It's better to dream of a real thing."

His words worked like lullaby to my ears, a sort of promise from him. This was the closest thing for now, I knew, he'll never come to saying that I meant to him so much more then just a friend. I was the real thing for him, and that was enough, for now.

In the end, I got the embrace I wanted. Here was Inuyasha, holding me, safely in his arms and yet so gently. He showed me that he cared, that he loved, on some much higher level I ever dreamed of hoping. He made a promise, to me, not to Kikyou, a promise of his future. He didn't say it, but I knew it. He grew up.

That's what happened, that was the answer to my questions.

And somehow, that grown-up in him, that more dangerous side of him, the one that was actually thinking about everything showed itself to me, for two rows in one day. He showed me that his want ran deeper, and that his love wasn't something to be taken for granted. The boy I met wasn't that anymore in my eyes.

He was a man. And he was holding me. It didn't matter that the rain was falling, soaking us to the bones slowly. It didn't matter that the others would be worried. I knew and he knew. Promises are treacherous things. They are not made to be easily broken.

Because you never know what you might be losing. Or gaining.

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**THE END**

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**AN: **_OK. You're probably wondering what happened with that peachy start. I wanted to show the way how human emotions change through (thanks Miara!) the day. If you're not wondering, please, disregard this small explanation._

_I made Inuyasha a bit more mature, mostly because I don't like seeing him showed like a small kid most of the time. Kagome is Kagome, there's nothing more to say. Wow, well, this is my longest one-shot._

_JAMIE - Thank you so much for proof-reading!! I'm glad you liked it. Lots of love for you :))_

_Thank you for reading, I hope you liked it. If you did, you know what to do!_

_Anisa_


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